Sasha Darling & The BellJar Blog — Uncategorized

Went out for a little birthday shin-dig at the homestead, the other night. Super fun, a lot of people came out and I had a good time. Hung with the Candy Store ladies, some old school garage friends, some of the art boys came out, and even my best friend who I NEVER see stopped by to say hi to me. Yay. It's so weird. I go back and fourth between feeling so pleased that I have lived in SF for so long and have such great friends, and totally mortified by how tiny it is here. It seems like every-time I hang out, no matter how completely detached I think one scene is from the other, there is always someone hanging out that somehow knows about my personal life and am surprised how caught off guard it still makes me. Such was last night. Sometimes you just can't escape things, no matter how much you want too. So whatever, I'll just embrace it and make it all too public, here on the old belljar blog. So after my initial shock of lack of privacy I settled into a conversation with my dear friend Scott and I sat and talked, once again about dating in this town, and how it seems like there are just way, way too many options. Even when you meet someone that is amazing, your like yeah, but there could be someone even more amazing just down the road. If you live in a small town, and you have varied interests there probably are not a whole-lot of options for dating. You may find yourself in a situation where you're like, "oh you like black metal and skateboarding? Me too, we might as well get married". Chances are no one else in town is gonna share your particular interests. But in SF you can't throw a high-heel without hitting some cool kid in the back of their silly news boy cap or perfectly bleached platinum head. There are just too many people that might be the perfect fit. Also, it's nearly impossible to meet someone that hasn't already dated someone you know, or someone you dated, or friends of coworkers and or hangs out with your best friends, cousins sister and they had a fling. Whatever. It pretty much feels like everyone in SF has somehow slept with each-other indirectly. GROSS. And if you narrow it down to the hipster, mission, art scene. It's just so much worse. I'm totally importing a boy from a small town. Currently accepting applications. Please send to the belljarsf@gmail address. Oh and P.S. Thanks to Gemma and Jenny who both on separate occasions told me in a a very sincere way how beautiful I am. Seriously kind words and a girl always love to hear that from another pretty girl. Yay I love pretty girls.

Sometimes, when blogging, I ponder exactly why I'm communicating on such a personal level. I often wonder if I'm supposed to just share beautiful and inspiring images or tell you all about the goings on at BellJar. The last post I wrote was definitely an insight to my feelings. As a business owner and a women who constantly strives to be a strong, secure and inspirational, it seems to me that selling items that enrich lives on an atheistic level, as full-fulling as that is, is not enough. I want something more. I have been on a long journey to become the woman I am today, and it has not always been easy. I still constantly make mistakes. I feel so rewarded and fulfilled by all the words of encouragement I receive from people, both face to face as well as by email and facebook. When I posted that last post, I felt a hot burning of vulnerability in my chest, and even discussed it with my PR people, my store manager as well as my roommate. They all gave full support of me being more than just a business women, but also a public figure that can encourage and support both women and men. The post went out on Friday and since then, I have received numerous emails, facebook messages as well as people personally expressing to me how my words resonated with them. I'm beyond appreciative and pleased that I can connect with people on such an amazing level, and it was definitely the encouragement I needed to continue on with my writing. I hope this year to keep focusing on the blog, possibly get a column in a publication and maybe even write a book. Which all is so crazy, considering what a bad speller I am. he he! But nothing give me more fulfillment than encouraging, connecting and being part of a community that helps us strive to be better, more glamorous, enriched humans. Can I get a glass of champagne over here? I think we all need to celebrate. It's Sunday after all.

Been thinking a lot about this word "timing". While talking with girls around the city and their dating experiences and of course my own tragically glamorous life, I have found that this is the word most often thrown about when the topic of relationships and monogamy comes up, unwanted. I also love to talk to my guy pals and get their take on the situation. Their answers seem to vary depending on how long they have lived in this city and where they grew up. We hear a lot of people talk about this whole peter pan syndrome, and girls are convinced the boys in SF refuse to grow up, but the question is can we really put the blame solely on the guys? I went on a date with an Italian guy last week, and his compliant was that girls seemed flaky and unavailable and he felt women is SF are too eager to jump into bed without any conversation of where the relationship is heading. He and I talked a lot about how it is natural for a girl to put a bit of pressure on a guy. I'm not sure that that sleeping with a guy too soon without any verbalization of taking it to the next emotional level really sends a message to boys that they need to grow up and commit. I feel like women in S.F. help bread this type of behavior with over-eagerness. My good friend Eric explains that it sometimes seems impossible to settle down when so many hot girls in SF just throw themselves at him all the time. They don’t even seem to mind when he has a girlfriend. They will hit on him right in front his girl. I really think as women we need to start not only respecting ourselves but also other women. In my opinion it is unacceptable to get involved with anyone that is already committed. I don’t care what the guys say about his situation. Guys always call a girl crazy when they are trying to get another girl in bed. So don’t sleep or date or flirt with another girls dude. That's pretty easy, don’t you think? My other guy friend, who grew up in the south, is a sweet committed boy. Super smart and talented but he claims everytime he tries to seriously hang out with a girl she pulls back and in his mind it’s the girls in SF that don’t want to settle down. And he explains, girls often use timing as the excuse…when you know the girl is really telling her girlfriends, “he’s just too nice”. It has nothing to do with time. So why are all of us girls complaining we want a relationship but when faced with it we politely excuse the possibility, and chalk it all up to bad timing? But it seems the average boy in SF has this issue of timing? It’s just never the right time to focus on a solo girl. Weather it’s work, a band, or a past relationship, guys constantly use timing as an excuse to be unattached. . We all know that the ladies in this town are smart, strong and independent, but we enjoy ourselves more when we have a strong, sweet boy supporting us. And there are a million excuses about timing or the need to work on your music, art, skateboarding or whatever, when you know in all actuality, you are spending most your time in a bar drinking beers with your buddies. An amazing girl makes a guy a better person, more focused and an all around stronger person. So what’s with all the excuses? Well, I think it’s a matter of just not finding the right person. And I wish people could just say that. “You are not the right person.” It makes it so much easier to process. Using the timing excuses leaves all these unanswered questions. Like is there a chance that we can meet up again when the timing is better? Just shut the door and let everyone move on. I know when I met my ex-husband; it was totally not the right time for me to get in a relationship. I was dating someone that I worked with and was finding it hard to fully commit. I was still feeling heartbroken about my ex-boyfriend, who was the great big love of my 20's. I wasn't communicating this very well and instead I constantly put my coworker through absolute confusing hell for about a year. When I got a grasp on how inappropriate I was behaving I was mortified with myself. I remember having a conversation with my bestie about how I was in my mid 20's and approaching 30 and I was not the woman I wanted to be. I was working at Levi's clocking like 70 hours a week. Treating the guy I was dating like a doormat and I was just miserable. I was embarrassed at the person I had become. I realized I needed to be alone and work on myself, take some time to decide where my career was headed and really become that amazing woman I knew I should be. ALONE. And then I met Mason, and wham...I was engaged like a month later. I mean seriously, from the day I decided to be alone and severed my half heart-ed work/dating situation, it was just four weeks later that I was engaged. It was terrible timing and I really did need to work on myself, but it did not matter. I met Mason and we fell in love and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Because timing has nothing to do with how you feel about another person. This did not stop me from continuing on my road to self-improvement. If anything it helped move it along. When Mason and I first started going out, I told him everything: about all my bad behavior towards the guy from work, I told him all my deep dark secrets, all the things I wanted to change about myself, my sordid family history and so on. This was a big step for me. I had never opened up to a person like that and it really was the first step towards my personal evolution. Timing be damned the universe had other plans for me. It seems to me, this concept of timing is really just an excuse for something else: being scared, uninterested, emotionally unavailable or whatever, but frankly, I’m just not buying it. So stop trying to sell it guys...and you girls too. We all need to grow up and start treating each-other with respect and if you can't? Well then buy me a pair of shoes instead! It’s never a bad time for a good pair of shoes.

Cute Girls, Art, Hammers and Champagne...how simply divine. Please make it out to the show tomorrow night from 6-9 to catch Marin's Beautiful art, which is already selling...seriously like 5 pieces already!!! xo