Been thinking a lot about this word "timing". While talking with girls around the city and their dating experiences and of course my own tragically glamorous life, I have found that this is the word most often thrown about when the topic of relationships and monogamy comes up, unwanted. I also love to talk to my guy pals and get their take on the situation. Their answers seem to vary depending on how long they have lived in this city and where they grew up. We hear a lot of people talk about this whole peter pan syndrome, and girls are convinced the boys in SF refuse to grow up, but the question is can we really put the blame solely on the guys?
I went on a date with an Italian guy last week, and his compliant was that girls seemed flaky and unavailable and he felt women is SF are too eager to jump into bed without any conversation of where the relationship is heading. He and I talked a lot about how it is natural for a girl to put a bit of pressure on a guy. I'm not sure that that sleeping with a guy too soon without any verbalization of taking it to the next emotional level really sends a message to boys that they need to grow up and commit. I feel like women in S.F. help bread this type of behavior with over-eagerness.
My good friend Eric explains that it sometimes seems impossible to settle down when so many hot girls in SF just throw themselves at him all the time. They don’t even seem to mind when he has a girlfriend. They will hit on him right in front his girl. I really think as women we need to start not only respecting ourselves but also other women. In my opinion it is unacceptable to get involved with anyone that is already committed. I don’t care what the guys say about his situation. Guys always call a girl crazy when they are trying to get another girl in bed. So don’t sleep or date or flirt with another girls dude. That's pretty easy, don’t you think?
My other guy friend, who grew up in the south, is a sweet committed boy. Super smart and talented but he claims everytime he tries to seriously hang out with a girl she pulls back and in his mind it’s the girls in SF that don’t want to settle down. And he explains, girls often use timing as the excuse…when you know the girl is really telling her girlfriends, “he’s just too nice”. It has nothing to do with time. So why are all of us girls complaining we want a relationship but when faced with it we politely excuse the possibility, and chalk it all up to bad timing?
But it seems the average boy in SF has this issue of timing? It’s just never the right time to focus on a solo girl. Weather it’s work, a band, or a past relationship, guys constantly use timing as an excuse to be unattached. .
We all know that the ladies in this town are smart, strong and independent, but we enjoy ourselves more when we have a strong, sweet boy supporting us. And there are a million excuses about timing or the need to work on your music, art, skateboarding or whatever, when you know in all actuality, you are spending most your time in a bar drinking beers with your buddies. An amazing girl makes a guy a better person, more focused and an all around stronger person. So what’s with all the excuses? Well, I think it’s a matter of just not finding the right person. And I wish people could just say that. “You are not the right person.” It makes it so much easier to process. Using the timing excuses leaves all these unanswered questions. Like is there a chance that we can meet up again when the timing is better? Just shut the door and let everyone move on.
I know when I met my ex-husband; it was totally not the right time for me to get in a relationship. I was dating someone that I worked with and was finding it hard to fully commit. I was still feeling heartbroken about my ex-boyfriend, who was the great big love of my 20's. I wasn't communicating this very well and instead I constantly put my coworker through absolute confusing hell for about a year. When I got a grasp on how inappropriate I was behaving I was mortified with myself. I remember having a conversation with my bestie about how I was in my mid 20's and approaching 30 and I was not the woman I wanted to be. I was working at Levi's clocking like 70 hours a week. Treating the guy I was dating like a doormat and I was just miserable. I was embarrassed at the person I had become. I realized I needed to be alone and work on myself, take some time to decide where my career was headed and really become that amazing woman I knew I should be. ALONE. And then I met Mason, and wham...I was engaged like a month later. I mean seriously, from the day I decided to be alone and severed my half heart-ed work/dating situation, it was just four weeks later that I was engaged.
It was terrible timing and I really did need to work on myself, but it did not matter. I met Mason and we fell in love and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Because timing has nothing to do with how you feel about another person.
This did not stop me from continuing on my road to self-improvement. If anything it helped move it along. When Mason and I first started going out, I told him everything: about all my bad behavior towards the guy from work, I told him all my deep dark secrets, all the things I wanted to change about myself, my sordid family history and so on. This was a big step for me. I had never opened up to a person like that and it really was the first step towards my personal evolution. Timing be damned the universe had other plans for me.
It seems to me, this concept of timing is really just an excuse for something else: being scared, uninterested, emotionally unavailable or whatever, but frankly, I’m just not buying it. So stop trying to sell it guys...and you girls too. We all need to grow up and start treating each-other with respect and if you can't? Well then buy me a pair of shoes instead! It’s never a bad time for a good pair of shoes.