Sasha Darling & The BellJar Blog

She's keeping it klassy in the lieu of financial and social decay. I feel ya in your fishnets. She may be my new hero.

I sometimes wonder how I made it through my teen years without a computer. I had to actually go to the library to research cool things, like mod culture, punk rock and studio 54. I would sit and thumb through picture books on Pop culture and try to visually absorb as much as I could, I would often photocopy cool pictures on the black and white photo copier for 10 cents a pop and then hang them on my bedroom wall. Now with a click of my mouse so much info...so much stimulation so so much to look at. I wonder if the kids today understand the power and appreciate all the information and beauty the internet can provide, or do they just sit and stare at facebook and play video games all day? While searching for an old Helmut Newton Vogue shoot from the 80's I was obsessed with I found this video. Love the hair and makeup and I;m dying for the 80's cool cold Glamour. I still wonder, why cant we born old and die young?

I just don't know where I Have been. Lost in a dream, moving forward, stepping back, losing myself, finding myself again and just all over the place. I've been back in San Francisco for two weeks, to deal with a few things at the shop...get my hair done, check on my house, deal with a traffic ticket and all I can say is I can't wait to get back to Los Angeles. It's cold a gloomy outside, yesterday my car got towed and my life in SF is just kind of static. Sometimes I wonder if moving to LA was me running away...but being back here just reminds me that everything in life has an expiration date and my life here has just gone sour. I have caught up with friends, spent a glorious weekend in Mendocino, hang out with a boy, gotten fed up with said boy, spent time with my shop girls and making sure things are still running smoothly and now I'm ready to get in my car and head back to the sun. Awe I miss you little apartment in LA, I miss my daily juice at Naturewells. I miss my morning hike at Elysian Park. I miss my shopping trips downtown for the store. I miss my weekend trip to all the flea markets. I miss BBQ's and days spent drinking wine outdoors with friends. I miss reading and painting and searching for a new art studio. This trip has confirmed that LA is my home. 20 years in SF...and now LA has my heart. See you in a few days.

I have been so sick for the past few days. I will not go into the gory details but it's the sickest I have been for years. The last time I got this sick was right after my divorce and that time I was so ill that I had to cancel a trip to Paris! I was so used to having Mason around to take care of me and I have always had problems asking for help...so for 5 days I laid on my couch, dying, not eating and did not call anyone..and even refused the offers that I had to come by, check on me, bring me supplies. Well not this time. But being in LA I don't have the support group I did in SF. I mean there are people down here I know would help...but I just feel weird asking. Thanks god one of my besties from SF is now living in LA. I called Caitlen yesterday morning crying after spending the entire night on the floor of my bathroom. She rushed over with 7-up and saltines and gave me and my poor cooped up dogs some much needed love and attention. I'm feeling marginally better today...but I miss my Mommy, I miss my home and I'm so thankful I have Caitlin down here. There is nothing like having great girlfriends. I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. My hair in matted to my head, I have had the same clothes on for three days and I'm afraid I am fusing to my couch. Not feeling very darling at all. Can we just pretend I actually look like this?

I watched the moonrise yesterday. It was still light when she appeared and hovered above the hazy skyline, faded like an old photo washed by the Summer sun. She was a big, translucent pie that I wanted to reach out, grab and greedily gobble up like a starving child. I watched her move and grow and then retreat as the the last bit of dusk was swallowed by darkness. I had a hard time falling asleep last night. I tossed and turned till Midnight. At 1:40 I was awoken by a light shining powerfully through my window. It was as if a street post had been erected directly outside my room. I felt the gleaming beams as I tried to readjust and shield my eyes from it's glare. My sleepy mind struggled to recall how brightly lit my room was on other nights as it desperately clung to a cloudy abyss. The lights intensity forced me my from my sleep, so I stepped out to get a closer look. As the bright light illuminated me, I realized the moon had followed me home. She clung to my windowsill like a crazed cat insisting to be let in. Howling and screaming, she he had grown twice her earlier dusk risen size and intensely cast her cold blue light upon my cheeks. I wanted to flea the house and run through tall grassy fields and become part of her night glow but felt constrained by my urban dwelling and the unknown that lurked outside my city door. Reluctantly I slipped back in to bed in search of a silent slumber that never came. I woke half rested convinced I am ruled by the moon.