Do you remember when blogging was a huge thing? Do you remember way back like 10 years when I used to blog almost everyday? Not just about store stuff, but just about life? I remember sitting on my office at BellJar SF and hearing people asking the sales girls about me in very specific ways. Asking about my personal life. Asking about how I was , if i was ok. It was so strange. Strange that they were actually reading my blog but even stranger that I was being so raw and uncensored online.
I was much younger and I had just gone through a really terrible divorce. I was looking for some answers and tying to change and evolve my life. That is what inspired me to open BellJar in the first place. I had been working in corporate situations for about 9 years, married to a man that was an alcoholic, myself had emotional issues and I was just drowning in unhappiness. It just wasn't the life for me.
So when my husband left me for a younger woman (I know so cliche) I rashly quit my high paying job and decided to open a store. I just knew that I wasn't meant to be ordinary. I felt a calling to have a bigger, more meaningful life. I wasn't meant to be part of the system. I was not meant to be a cog in a corporate world. It was literally killing me. I think before this crash in my life that ended in divorce I was so repressed and sad that I was slowly dying inside. I know that sounds dramatic but that is how it felt. Like a long slow death. I woke up tired every-day and came home and cried most nights. I was so lonely. I wanted to make a change but my husband, who was not yet earning, kept telling me we needed my paycheck. I dunno, it's hard to imagine now, that I would be with or listen to someone who as so unsupportive, but that's just where I was at. After he left, two weeks later I quit my job. Everyone thought I was crazy. But I knew I was on the right path. And out of that decision, BellJar was born.
What I didn't know at the time was, not only was I a creator and a builder of community and beautiful spaces, but I was also on a spiritual path. It's been a very long road...and 11 years later l feel much different. There have been so many ups and downs. So many amazing, exciting, expanding moments. So many gut wrenching, heartbreaking failures. So many moments I have wanted to give up. So many moments that I hid in my silverlake apartment wanting to be small and unseen. So many times I wasn't sure what my path was. Self doubts, low self esteem, depression etc. But I have stayed on my course. I have continued on. I have worked on myself diligently. I have gone to therapy, read every self help book under the sun, meditated, gone to program, closed businesses, opened businesses, started my own clothing line, bought a new home and on and on and on.
And so here I am 11 years later. Stronger, wiser, happier, clearer and ready to share with you again. I'm bringing back the blog and I'm so excited. I'm excited to share with you. Hopefully I can inspire you a little. To let you know that there is really nothing you cannot overcome. There is nothing imagined that can't be created with enough heart to stay the course. And no, I do not mean starving yourself, living without and working yourself to the bone. I'm not here to talk about the hustle, I'm here to talk about the magic that happens when we face our fears, expand past our programing and connect with our true authentic purpose. The universe listens when we are honest. The universe listens when we confront our past programing that no longer resonates with our souls true desire. Sometimes it's a really long road to get there, but it's the only one worth traveling. So come on girls let's get moving. Who is with me? I still have a ton of work to do and I could really use some travel partners!
Oh yeah that's me- Sasha darling. 11 years older and hopefully and little wiser.