I think too much. Sometimes I wish I could just remove my brain. Not permanently just when it's acting like an annoying nagging child. It just need a bit of an off switch. Something to relax it when it's getting too crazy. Alcohol doesn't do the trick, it actually acts as a stimulant and makes it get all deep and introspective. It's becomes a bar-stool philosopher and want's to unravel all of life's dark mysteries. Sleeping doesn't turn it off, it just gets more surreal in it's dream state. Reading tends to slow it down as it focuses on each word, but then it takes the words in and digests them, and in the end it gives it more ammunition for over analyzing. Exercise is the closest thing to shutting it off, but not in one of those runners high sort of way. Instead in a "I feel like I'm going to die, this is so hard", sort of way, that makes me unable to think of anything else.
I tried to meditate this am. I try to do it all the time but I just can't seem to do it. I focus on those little star-burst kaleidoscopes that fill your dark void when eyes are shut. I focus on my breathing. I sit very still and try to reach a calm state but thoughts of the most mundane shit just fills my head. While I silently say to myself over and over; breathe in, breathe out...there is all this little chatter going on in the back of my head. "I really need to get a manicure, I wonder if I can squeeze it in later today. Remember that time in 5th grade when Allison kicked dirt all over your brand new white patent leather shoes, what a bitch. I really need to clean the bottom of my toilet with a tooth brush, around the little screws where the rust is building up. I wonder when that cute boy from the park is going to call me, I wonder what I will wear on our first date. I'm so sick of all my pandora stations..music is dead. Wait breathe in breathe out....focus? Agggh". I mean it just wont shut the fuck up. How am I ever going to reach inner-peace with this stupid brain?? I mean seriously? This brain mostly just causes me problems. The more information I fill it up with the more challenging my life becomes. Does my soul really need this brain to exist? I mean most the time the two just seem as if they are battling each-other. I have made the decision to forget everything I have learned and return to a simple child like state where my life is filled with wonder. Hell I might be become stupid, but isn't ignorance bliss? Yes I aspire from here on out to be ignorant.
