Update to the below morose Sasha Darling. Day two and I'm already over it. I'm tickled pink and having the time of my life. I'm such a moody creature. I think the unglamorous conditions I am forced to travel under mad me sad. Now I am in my beautiful apartment in the loveliest neighborhood and feeling like the princess I am. I need to fly first class from here on out! Telle est la vie!!
Sometimes being in the company strangers can be the loneliest of all experiences. I sit on my flight heading towards Paris, with just a few hours of sleep. I have been admittedly burning the candle at both ends. When I am most peaceful, I yearn for solitude and quite times. When things spin out of control I become chaotic. I have been a victim of this chaos the past few months.
It’s interesting to watch the spiral of events that have brought me to this plane and to what feels like somewhat of an emotional setback. I have been working so hard the past 4 years, and I have reached burnout. I want to do more, I want to achieve more, but my distressed emotional state has told me I am at my breaking point. And instead of taking care, I have been going out, to distract myself from my upset.
I feel hollow as a burnt out tree. I have nothing left to give. It sometimes feels as if there are a thousand people looking to me, counting on me, wanting a piece of me. I have felt angry that no one has noticed how fragile I have become under my stealth armor of coolness. My sunny disposition is being worn like a mask. I wonder who is looking to give back to me?
Moving to LA has been such a priority to me. I have been yearning to open a new store, to start a new life, but the right situation has not presented itself. I have felt let down by business partners, weary of deals and for one of the first times ever, and I am not clear which way to move next. I am cornered like a cat.
I have been looking for life changing answers but instead I found a trip to Paris. I sit here, on this plane, feeling bereft at my current situation. Still I am hopeful. In the past these life changing situations have presented themselves at just the right moment to help strengthen my resolve. I am sure this is one of those moments. I am connected to a source that is bigger than my temporarily frail soul.
I sit here amongst these strangers knowing that what lies beyond this vast sea, is the clarity, and the strength that will restore my power; the source that holds all the beauty of my uniqueness. I leave my life that has been causing me so much confusion, to find myself somewhere down the windy cobblestone streets of Paris. I will meet myself at the Rive Seine where the night lights flood ripples of water with tiny flecks of color. If I have to search all of the archaic and bountiful crevices of Paris I will find myself again.