A couple people have told me how surprising it is to them that I share so much on my personal information on my blog and I completely agree with them. It’s really surprising to me too. Years ago, when everyone was on livejournal I was reluctant to sign up. All my girlfriends urged me, especially my friend Olivia. She is one of these wear your heart on your sleeves kind of girls and she put it all on her journal. Her journal pals watched her fall in and out of love numerous times over the years. They watched her get married to another member she met online and had full view of her heartache as it all fell apart ending in divorce. Everything was documented and a remember feeling so worried about her sharing so much with the world. I have always loved her for her openness but it made me uncomfortable.
She finally got me to sign up for livejournal but I created a nom de plume, and started the Secret Diary of a Deb. I have always loved to write and even won some journalism awards in high school and a few creative writing ones in college, despite my terrible grammar and spelling. The editor of my high school newspaper found me on facebook and said something like, “wow, look at how successful you are? Who would have guessed someone with such terrible spelling could go so far?" Well my first initial thought was, I did. I've always been secure in the fact that I had important things to accomplish in my life and writing has always been on my to do list.
Anyway I digress. I did not want to air my lacey pretty laundry on live journal...but I, like many people like to write what I know. What do I know? I know myself, I know boys, I know my crazy family, I know home decor, I know fashion and music...I know a lot about glamour. So these are the things I wanted to write about. I started documenting the glamorous adventures of a terribly unfulfilled debutante and her trusted servant Lola. It was fun to write and the people close to me, I’m sure, could decode her misadventures. Her afternoon trysts with oil barons and tennis pros. Her yacht vacas and time spent at the club with Kiki and Bunny. My friends all knew who the gas jockey character that she was so madly in love with really was. They also recognized that the sensitive Eastern European servant girl Lola was my alter ego. It was all silly and at first it was really fun to write.
Then I started reading other peoples blogs and I was so drawn to the ones that were raw and real; like Olivia's. I started obsessively following this one girls from Austin. She really put it all online; her love life issues, drug use, psychological problems, nothing was sacred. But she was also so vulnerable and real. She was also wicked smart and something about her southern life and all her issues was so romantic. I just wanted to be part of her world even from the other side of the country.
After falling in love with these types of blogs I looked at my own journal and saw it as a cheeky, soulless phony. So I quickly stopped writing it.
When I opened BelJar every book I read on marketing, all the advice from other professionals, every piece of data I received told me, I needed a blog. So, being the savvy business girl I am, I started one. If you look back to the early days, I mostly just posted info on the store: new arrivals, brands that we carry, events etc. But it was all so boring for me that I rarely posted. Slowly I started to write more personal pieces. I aslo started using it as a kind of mood board and posting images that I love. It really started to come together and have meaning and a bit of soul. I started to look forward to posting. It became this creative and cathartic outlet for me. As time went on it starting getting more and more personal and I questioned whether or not it was right for the BellJar store blog. I contemplated starting another one, away from BellJar, but for two reasons knew this was the wrong decision. First of all I did not have the time to update two blogs. It's hard enough for me to manage one. But the main reason is, BellJar is my life. It is such a personal endeavor. I poured my heart and soul into this business, not to mention my life savings. I know that it touches people. They can feel the love and passion that went in to creating BellJar. This is the reason that it has become such a beloved place. And this is the blog that goes along with all that is BellJar. The store is me, I am Sasha Darling and this is my blog. There is no filter, the names are not changed to protect the innocent and yes sometimes as I push post I think I'm a bit crazy for being so raw. But to hell with it, I hope that it is enjoyed and I hope that people can sometimes relate and at the very least feel a tiny bit of humane connection. Here I am living inside the BellJar.