Down to the River with Neil

Sitting at Dolores Park with friends reading magazines I came upon an article in Sunset magazine...my ex-husband got married. Either that or his GF has decided to refer to him as "my husband". Either way, it was a weird way to find something like that out. I took a sip of my mimosa and tried to process how I felt about it. It was strange. I just kind of felt nothing. I don't even think about him or what he's doing, unless I happen to hear from him or run into him. The only emotion I could possibly attach to it, was, my constant fear of not succeeding and not being the best. Even though I was unhappy being married I was not about to be a "failed marriage" statistic. After it was over, it drove me to work harder because I could not stand to loose at something else. But oddly enough that instinct is starting to dissipate as well. I find myself focusing more and more on just being happy and less concerned with always being on top, having the best store, the next big successes and lately all I can really think about is simplifying my life, having less. Less to stress about, less to take care off, less to take on and simply more just living and doing things that make me feel whole and connected. I'm off to Marin to spend the day in the country...a little swimming hole time. I grew up swimming in rivers. I feel so connected to the mirky green water, the white washed smoothed river rocks and the looming redwoods that cast their shade below. I would choose the river over the ocean any day. I can't wait to feel the cool water on my horribly sunburned back (thanks Dolores Park)...and to lie in the rocky sand and stare at the sun gleaming between branches. Today my soul is full. misplacedjoanofarc fuckyeahlivtyler

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