Men are hunters. Despite feminism and all the advancements we ladies have made in society, there are certain physiological truths that will always hold true. Women are nurturers and men are hunters. The more we rebel against such truths the further the two sexes move from understanding each other. How many times have we all heard our girlfriends moan, “I don’t know what happened, he was so into me and then we had sex and I never heard from him again?” It’s simple; he saw his prey, hunted it, made his kill and then moved on. There is a reason that society made sex so taboo for the ladies. Religious and social standards were set in place, to instruct girls to hold out on boys long enough to get them to settle down and have children. God knows it’s not because girls really want to. We like sex just as much if not even more than men. And in a time when marriage and children was a women’s only option, this was the tactic. No marriage? No sex?
Of course many things have changed over the centuries and even more drastically over the past 50 decades. Truths about sex and marriage have changed so much, just since the 50’s. I think we are still reeling over what to do. Marriage and children isn't necessarily every girls goal, but still we tend to bond with the men that we have sex with. This bond isn't always shared by the guys, so it creates a whole lot of confusion.
I feel so blessed to live in a time where women can be independent, own their own businesses, have a children on their own, own their own homes, vote, run for office, make more money then our husbands, travel, really anything we want. I’m also happy to live in a time where we are free to make my own decisions around men, sex and dating without worrying about being stoned or branded with the letter A. In other countries right now, women are not afforded these same rights. We really are lucky ladies. But, on the other hand I feel worried about the confusion and what sometimes feels like a lack of self-respect I see women display. If a women is empowered and has learned to have sex in a detached unemotional way, more power to her, but more often than not I see girls sad and wondering what went wrong and feeling bad about themselves when they have moved too fast with a guy. I also have been in the same boat. So below is guidelines for girls on dealing with this rocky terrain we call dating post feminism.
Don’t ask him out. Wait and let him make the first move. This does not mean you can’t flirt and make it very, very obvious that if he asks you will say yes, but let him do the asking.
After your first date, don’t start obsessively calling or texting and let him ask you out on the second date. Nothing says crazy than an over eager girl who feels the need to have constant contact after only one date. If you can’t get him out of your mind, hang out with your girlfriends, do something creative, even go on a date with another guy. Redirecting your energy will bring you so much closer to winning a guys heart.
Don’t sleep with a boy on a first date or second date or third date, unless you are just looking for a fling. Wait until a serious conversation about the relationship is going before you take it to the next level. This does not mean you can’t get sexy between the sheets, just keep those boys wanting a bit more. And don’t fall for them calling you a tease or any other lame pressure tactic. If a boy really cares about you he will wait, and he will commit before he expects anything more.
Don’t just start showing up at places he might be. Wait for an invitation. Live your own life. Nothing is more attractive than an independent girl who has her own stuff going on. Don’t just show up at his skateboard competition, his best friends party, local pub or to watch his band play. It will just make you look desperate.
Don’t start posting pictures of you and him all over facebook, even if you took super cute photo-booth pictures together on your date. And don’t start adding all his friends. Don’t start obsessively commenting on his page and don’t blog about how in love you are, unless of course you both are!
Don’t stop dating other boys. I see girls constantly fall into a commitment that is not shared, equal or at all real. It’s just natural, when we like someone dating other people just reinforces that bond we feel. But you know what? Guys can sense when you are out with other guys and this creates want and the desire to further hunt you. So even if it’s painful and unpleasant go out on other dates!!!
A common mistake that I see girls make and a pattern I personally fall into is the rationalizing my situation as different. The ole, “I’m different” or “my guy is different”, syndrome. I of course think I’m the most amazing thing in the whole entire world and I can’t imagine why any boy would not be madly in love with me after even just one chance meeting. I also tend to be attracted to boys that are a bit complicated, quiet or awkward. I sometimes fool myself to believe; even my own standards do not apply to me. But this I am sure of in my rational mind-if a boy cares about you or wants to be with you he will let it be known. Even the most shy boy, will find the courage to pursue his lady with just a bit of subtle encouragement. If you have given that encouragement to no avail, it’s time to pack it up and move it on down the road.
Refrain from blurting out your entire life story too fast. You don’t need to share all the inner workings of you upbringing, past relationships and weekly therapy appointments to a stranger. They don’t need to know about your daddy issues, that your last boyfriend cheated on you or that you have not been asked out in over a year. Mystery goes a long way. Don’t force closeness on someone too fast. Take it easy; keep it light. And give him a chance to talk too. Don’t go on and on about yourself out of nerves or fear of the awkward silence.
Be a sex symbol, whatever that personally means to you: nerdy computer geek sexy, nature hippy girl sexy, 50’s glamour girl, athletic and sporty, tough skater girl? It makes no difference, just remember, it’s ok to put it out there and be sexy.
Remember if it doesn’t work out, with a little time even the boy you are madly, insanely in like with will become a distant faded memory and some other hot little number will find his way in to your life. So just be cool and coy, let him hunt you…like a cute furry, little, mischievous bunny. Who doesn’t want a little soft bunny? And damn can those bunnies run fast if there is danger.
This is not rocket science, and any one of you could have blurted out these silly instructions, but it’s a nice reminder. Let’s all act like ladies. Have fun, flirt, do what you gotta do, but if untimely your goal is to have a boyfriend, play your cards right, protect yourself and always put your emotional needs and feelings first. The more you respect yourself, the more attractive you will be to the opposite sex, no?