There are many things I aspire to be that at times feel so unattainable. I would love to be a work out fanatic and have even convinced myself, in the past, that I am. By convincing, I mean hiring an overpriced personal trainer to kick my ass for fifty dollars an hour three times a week. And at that cost I certainly was not going to let my lazy behind sit on the couch watching reality T.V. One thing I don’t need to aspire to be is a girl good with her cash. You miss three of those sessions and that’s a pair of new shoes, wasted. When I had a trainer it was pretty easy to go the gym two or three days a week on my own, as I felt motivated and pumped from our sessions. And after two years and who knows how much money, I thought I was one of those work out crazed people you see on late night T.V. adds. But it’s amazing how quickly, the threat of monetary loss being gone, can kill a girls motivation. Now it’s not that I don’t still work out, because I do. Sometimes as much as 6 days a week, but then there are those weeks that I only go once or twice. It’s the difference between looking like Sophia Loren and the bigger girl from Wilson Philips pre stomach staple. I need to go 6 days a week, always.
I also would like to be Vegan or at least Vegetarian. I have seen the movies, I have read the books, and I know how I feel about eating animal products. It’s not so much that I think it’s wrong, but that I am horrified at America farming industry and you should be too. I have been Vegetarian or Vegan on and off my entire life and I always somehow fall off the wagon. So currently, I eat in an ethical farming type way. I purchase meats and dairy products from small farms whose practices fall in the, old school of the earth sort of farming way. In SF it’s pretty easy to eat at restaurants that serve foods that come from these farms, but once again without some sort of obligation, it’s easy, out on a stretch of highway with an empty stomach and 5 bucks in hand, to justify Nachos Bell Grande’s from Taco Bell. Eating ethical meat is the gateway to crap food. I need to just cut it out completely.
I would also like to be skinny. I’m not talking Anorexic Skinny; I’m talking more like curvy, sexy skinny, Maxim Cover Skinny. And believe me, when I’m doing the two things mentioned above, that’s what I am. But here is the problem: living my life. When I am a food-obsessed work out maniac I find little time for anything else. I spend all my time at the gym, thinking about what I’m going to eat, not wanting to go out with friends, travel or do anything that will deter me from the path to health and happiness. And then I end up feeling lonely and unhappy. It’s a balancing act that I somehow have not been able to master. I refuse to read one more book on how I should eat, or how many times a week I should gym my way to a skinny ass. What I want to know is how can I find that happy medium? How can I travel and eat out and drink a beer and still be healthy, socially conscience and look like a goddess?
After much though on the subject, I have surmised that I need a personal assistant. It’s way easier for me to stay on my path, but not go overboard when I have a partner keeping me on track. Morning walks, healthy home cooked dinners, encouragement to order the yummy beet salad over the Cowgirl Creamery smothered Prather Ranch burger? That’s what I will pay top dolor for! How much would I need to pay someone to just hang out with me twenty-four-seven and help me make good choices? Any of you out there want to just try it out as an unpaid internship? Sasha Darling’s personal assistant, doesn’t that just sound glamorous? Taking applications…